Just how big of a bitch is karma?

Great question, Karlyn - I'm glad you asked.

I have sat on this query for awhile, not sure how to approach and wanting to be certain whatever I wrote didn't come back to bite me in the ass. Because that's how it works.

We have all heard Sir Isaac Newton's Third Law of Motion: "Every action has an equal and opposite reaction", which is like karma, only scientific. The first two laws of motion deal with velocity and acceleration. There is a little-known "Fourth Law of Motion" that deals with undergarments, but Newton scrapped this law and settled for the aforementioned three when there were some "problems" and subsequent lawsuits (karma) while researching the fourth. He called the omission of the fourth law "streamlining".

There are several versions of the definition of karma sprinkled throughout the Eastern religions, such as Hinduism, Buddhism and Jainism. While these definition have a varying role for "God" in the dispersion of karma, nearly all religions believe that there is a positive or negative aspect to any act set into motion by an individual. And unlike the concept of "fate" where a destiny can be pre-ordained, karma is believed to be generated by the actions of folk with free will to make their choices. In the West, our own Christian beliefs echo the theme of karma as well, with such memorable musings as "one reaps what one sows", "live by the sword, die by the sword" and the ever-popular "what goes around comes around", which has been shouted venomously at adulterers by cuckolds, bankers by those in foreclosure and hairdressers by victims of bad dye-jobs for centuries. Karma.

The measure of the bitch-level of karma would be logically assessed by the "cause and effect" factor. As the ripples in a lake directly correspond to the size of the rock dropped into the water, the retribution of karma - good or bad - should by all the laws of our little world of physics, be directly dispersed in equal measure according to the deed set into motion by an individual.

Artist's rendering of Karmic Equal Measure - otherwise known as Newton's Cradle.

(Initial action on left; karmic reaction on the right)

So, in summary, what goes around comes around in equal measure, if all things are fair, right and scientifically and theologically right in the world. The Karmic Big-Bitch is flexible and can rear her big-bitch muscle as needed in a world full of do-gooders, philanderers, philanthropists and thieves. I'm certain we keep her busy maintaining the world's balance and for that we should offer a hearty "thank you" (and hopefully receive some reciprocal karmic bounty on the back-end). For karma can certainly be a bitch, large or small.

Good day, sir.