What is "Diddly-Squat?"

Well Michael, that is a tremendous question and one that certainly needed asking, for sure. 

Instinct tells me that since the phrase "diddly-squat" is an insult, the origins of the phrase must have certainly been given the most debasing context possible. "diddly" being almost childlike in its cadence, inferring non-importance by the very sound of its pronunciation . Definitely condescending at the very least. Adding "squat" only further cements the insult, seeming to invoke the position required to go poo-poo. 

This said, it would seem to me that knowing "diddly-squat" is tantamount to "knowing shit", which is insulting and very concise by anyone's standard.

My first thought when told I don't know diddly squat is humiliation. And that my knowledge is limited, if not non-existent. And since my knowledge is limited and possibly compromised altogether, my first guess is likely wrong and should be looked into.

Thanks to the devoted staff of the Jerald Ford Memorial Library, Research Laboratory and Ice Cream Stand, we have been able to dredge up the following from the internet.

Etymology:

The Random House Historical Dictionary of American Slang suggests that this is a variation of doodly-squat from 1934, probably from American slang doodle (“excrement”) + squat, used in the sense of defecating.^[1] Doodly-squat was originally the more common form, but diddly-squat overtook it in the early 1980s, and is now an order of magnitude more common in print.

Definition:

slang

: the least amount : anything at alldidn't know diddly-squat about sports— Sam Toperoff
It seems I was closer than my attacker would imagine possible with my guess.So I would have to say, upon further reflection, that he didn't know diddly-squat.
Good day, Sir.

 How much is a "drove"?

That is a terrific question, Scotty, and one which I have frequently pondered. Usually at 3am, when it is either gnaw on this type of grist or wrestle with the dark demons that try to take over my soul during this, the witching hour. 

But I digress.

This, according to Miriam Webster:

"Drove: A large number of people doing or undergoing the same thing."

This definition smacks of laziness in my humble opinion. Miriam might have had a bad day or simply didn't have the resources to truly investigate - it was, after all, a much simpler time. That said, I would think with today's high-tech gadgetry, technical gewgaws and outer space all at Webster's fingertips, they might have scrubbed this kind of nebulous crowing by now and settled on a more concise, easy-to-follow protocol for defining our language on which the entire universe is inclined to rely.

Don't worry, I'll write them a strongly-worded letter. And it will be concise and easy-to-follow.

While "a large number of people" sounds like a lot, it could mean different things to different people. For instance, for a well-documented introvert like myself, three people in a living room seems like at least one too many and likely two too many. I would define three as "a large number of people" if I were questioned about the event. However, for other more gregarious folk, the more the merrier. God can only imagine what those horn-blowers and cork-poppers might say if you asked them what a large number of people would be - I would guess it would be well into the six-figures. I shudder at the thought.

Horn Blowers and Cork Poppers

Back to the issue of the drove. After reckoning on the problem at least three times longer than the nerds at Miriam Webster, I came up with what I found to be the most logical solution. By using the A1Z26 code system, wherein a letter equals a number (for example, A=1, B=2, and so on), we simply take the word "drove" and apply the code. D=4, R=18, O=15, V=22, E=5.

If you add these numbers up, it equals 67. Which by a Horn-Blower or Cork-Popper's definition would in no way be a large number of people. However, if you line the numbers up together in a row, they show 41,815,225, which by any standard would dictate a large number of people indeed.

So, I can answer, without hesitation that a drove consists of 41,815,225 people. "Droves" would be 83,630,450 or more people. And that my friend, is a lot of cheeseburgers.

Good day, sir.